Apologies Effecting Change

Well another good natured person apologized to me several times today and I do not know how to word my response to these.

First we must understand what an apology is and what it is meant to convey.  First it means that we, the offender, are aware that our actions caused some harm to the person or persons that we are apologizing to.  Secondly and most important, and often not included in today’s “Sorry” is that we will make a earnest effort to change our actions.

Sorry I am late should mean that we understand that being late caused some degree of concern on our mother and that in the future we would leave to travel home 10 or 15 minutes earlier than tonight in order that we should not be late in the future.  Without the second part the apology is incomplete, or just words to try and escape another persons wrath or mitigate the repercussions of our actions.

In my mind if you have to amend the apology with a excuse or add a story of difficulties then you are stating that you could not effect the needed change and so it would mean that you are not really sorry for you actions as they were the only reasonable action you could have taken.

So then what happens when someone apologizes for something they cannot control.   Now interesting enough more people are now apologizing for things they cannot control than they are for what they can control.  This, I believe, is because in doing so they appear to care about others without having to modify their behaviors.

Sometimes we apologize because we are truly sorry that we could not fulfill a promise of action at a given time.  I my philosophy, the future cannot be changed, in so much that we can not affect what as not happened, any action on our part today may or may not have its desired effect in the future due to an infinite unknown possibilities.   The past cannot be changed as anything we can do today can have no effect on what as already occurred.  That leaves only the present, and the present is fleeting and gives us only a very short period of time to act.  In reality I cannot place a definite time on the present.  Is it one day, one hour, one minute, or one second?  Can it be less than this or more?  But in all honesty it is very short.  What that means is that we can effect change and have a direct affect on people and events for only the briefest of time.  So in in all truth, we can do little to control even the present.

I do not mean by this that we can do nothing to create change only that we can only act in the present.  Once we have acted no guilt or apology can change the action or words. Nothing we can do can change future events from unfolding as they will.  This is not the same as saying the future is carved in stone and cannot be changed, only that the future is what the future will be.

So in the end I choose to believe that we cannot change the past, the future nor the present.  We can only perform our part in either a positive or negative manner.  If we choose to perform negatively then we colour the world around us in negativity and if we perform positively then we colour the world around us in positivity.

So if it is not possible to change events or the cause of things then how can we apologize for things.

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