At times when I talk to you
You always push me away
You don’t see or feel the pain
The pain that I deal with everday

My life at times
Seems out of control
For this pain that I am feeling
Is truly taking hold

Please someone help me
For I don’t know how much longer I can last
This pain that never goes away
Is from now and from my very own past

The past that I am dealing with
Is the past that has to do with my health
I am always asking
Why me and not someone else

It is then that i realized
Why was I given this pain
To make me strong
And live my life again

Please do not feel for me
For I will be okay
For someday I know
That you will see my pain

Once you see it
Then you will know
Why I feel this way
And I will not be judged anymore


A virtual friend of mine wrote and shared this poem with our group and it touch the people in the group so much I thought I should write about it.  I myself have known pain but short and fleeting.  To feel constant pain over a period of years is hard for those without it to even imagine.

The worst part for me is the last verse, the last line,

“Once you see it” – Once you come to understand the pain of others.

“Then you will know” – you then can walk in their shoes.

“Why I fell this way” – not feel as physical pain but as regards to the emotional.

“And I will not be judged anymore” – we who do not yet know their pain will stop judging them.

The last line made me think of all the times I have thought that pain is just pain.  Grin and bare it type of mentality.  Being, as I am male, these thoughts come from our dad’s and sport coaches who with good intention are telling us the best way to get on with the task after taking a physical hit or such is mentality forget about it.

This works, no kidding, we all have come to know some of the power the mind has over the body.  But that was when the pain was caused by a one time hit; what if the cause of pain is our own bodies fighting itself, not just a single time but 24 hours a day, day after day, month after month.  Ours minds get tired of the pain, walking it off by using our mental powers to gain control over the signals from our bodies becomes harder and harder to the point of having little effect.

The reason for this is simple, the mind gets tired just as the body gets tired.  And it takes mental strength to fight the pain and when we get tired the pain comes through.  So now instead of the pain just causing our bodies to tire we become mentally tired from fighting the pain.

So the next time we see someone in pain we need to understand what the person as been through.  A simple hit or a lifetime of hurt.  Even good intention, trying to help, words cause additional pain, because it shows our lack of understanding and fellow feeling.  The person then lashes out at us for, due to their weakened spirit, and we do not understand why.  We say to ourselves, “well I was just trying to help.”  So then we take it personally and lash back with unkind words, or thoughts that we can never hide off, they show in our eyes and on our faces.  All the time causing more pain and mental anguish to the sufferer.

Many times it would be better to be simply compassionate, a touch, a smile, a kind word, and let them know we care about them.

So thank you SwtPea for trying to make me understand your pain and I hope that someday the peace that all of us so desperately need is yours.

For sure I do not yet understand your pain but I will try not to judge and just be there if needed with a kind word or gesture.

Your friend CowboyCarl.

The 1912 Titanic Sewing Project!

The 1912 Titanic Sewing Project!.

I am not a sewer and it could not be said that I am a fan of the gentle arts.  Add to this my interest in the Titanic is, like so many others, reveling in the misadventures of others.  This is not to say I enjoy or take any delight in the suffering of the passengers and crew, their families and other loved ones.  It is just that when a person or group so boosts about their strength or ideal that when the universe takes it upon itself to show them their foolishness, it is satisfying to the rest of mankind, and it gives us pause and allows us time to reflect on the stupidity of such statements.

So why am I following a blog put forth by the Vintage Pattern Lending Library, a group until very recently, I knew nothing about, and would continue in my blissful ignorance until death?  Well an on-line friend, who is associated with this project, mentioned it and I took a look, a glance really.  And that should have, would have been all there was.  I gave notice to my friend that I had seen the site and commended it in some way, but given my, our fast paced lives, it should not have held my interest longer.  But for one thing, I noticed it was hosted by Word Press, the same site that hosts my own blogs, and so I choose to click follow this site.  This having being done I left feeling pretty darn good about myself, even though I had not done anything of note.

It never occurred to me that I would be receiving e-mails on the their member’s posts to site.  And they did come,  three one day, a few more the next, and on the third day, while on the throne of truth, my phone indicated I had a new e-mail.  So having little else to do choose to open the e-mailed link to the post and found myself interested.  Not so much about the sewing but about the person or persons taking as much delight in this project as I would if debating someone on the finer points of the universe.

It showed me that just because one is not interested in a particular hobby, event, or passion does not mean it is not interesting.  And by not sharing in the passion of others we actually do ourselves an injustice.  The passion of others is what makes this life bearable. Our own interests, while filling our time, do not make our lives has fulfilling has when we share another person passion.  For what we do for ourselves depletes our energies but when we are engaged in another’s passion we are built up  and receive energy from their passion.

So please, if you can spare the time and energy, take your mouse and click over to the 1912 Titanic Sewing Project, and feel for yourself the passion and energy of these volunteer sewers.

King Rolf

via The 1912 Titanic Sewing Project!.

Apologies Effecting Change

Well another good natured person apologized to me several times today and I do not know how to word my response to these.

First we must understand what an apology is and what it is meant to convey.  First it means that we, the offender, are aware that our actions caused some harm to the person or persons that we are apologizing to.  Secondly and most important, and often not included in today’s “Sorry” is that we will make a earnest effort to change our actions.

Sorry I am late should mean that we understand that being late caused some degree of concern on our mother and that in the future we would leave to travel home 10 or 15 minutes earlier than tonight in order that we should not be late in the future.  Without the second part the apology is incomplete, or just words to try and escape another persons wrath or mitigate the repercussions of our actions.

In my mind if you have to amend the apology with a excuse or add a story of difficulties then you are stating that you could not effect the needed change and so it would mean that you are not really sorry for you actions as they were the only reasonable action you could have taken.

So then what happens when someone apologizes for something they cannot control.   Now interesting enough more people are now apologizing for things they cannot control than they are for what they can control.  This, I believe, is because in doing so they appear to care about others without having to modify their behaviors.

Sometimes we apologize because we are truly sorry that we could not fulfill a promise of action at a given time.  I my philosophy, the future cannot be changed, in so much that we can not affect what as not happened, any action on our part today may or may not have its desired effect in the future due to an infinite unknown possibilities.   The past cannot be changed as anything we can do today can have no effect on what as already occurred.  That leaves only the present, and the present is fleeting and gives us only a very short period of time to act.  In reality I cannot place a definite time on the present.  Is it one day, one hour, one minute, or one second?  Can it be less than this or more?  But in all honesty it is very short.  What that means is that we can effect change and have a direct affect on people and events for only the briefest of time.  So in in all truth, we can do little to control even the present.

I do not mean by this that we can do nothing to create change only that we can only act in the present.  Once we have acted no guilt or apology can change the action or words. Nothing we can do can change future events from unfolding as they will.  This is not the same as saying the future is carved in stone and cannot be changed, only that the future is what the future will be.

So in the end I choose to believe that we cannot change the past, the future nor the present.  We can only perform our part in either a positive or negative manner.  If we choose to perform negatively then we colour the world around us in negativity and if we perform positively then we colour the world around us in positivity.

So if it is not possible to change events or the cause of things then how can we apologize for things.



Truth will set you free, but first you need to find it.

What we think of as truth is our truth.  That does not mean that it is not correct only that it is correct for us and if we are lucky a few other like minded people.  If we want our truth to be more widely accepted it usually means that it must be water down.  The more widely accepted it is the more water down it becomes.

We can look at Christianity and determine this quite easily.  One of the working titles for Christianity is “The Truth”.  Yet even among the followers they can not agree as to what the truth entails.  They even have a book that contains all their beliefs, and this book is not that large.  The New Testament is readable in just a few days yet after 2000 years there are so many interpretations and the larger the church less they appear to follow “The Word” of “The Truth”, it is very much like they have lost “The Way”.

So how can we as individuals determine what is truth and what is untrue, the lie?

We all hold to our beliefs as being true, some of us have a pretty wide acceptance of other truths while others are strict believers.  In the end the truth like all things is balanced between the two farthest points.  No matter what is held and how many people hold to the idea it can only….

Did man land on the moon?

Did the holocaust happen?

Did God divide theRed Sea?

For all these and more there are a great many people who support one side and believe it to be true.  All three events are true to a lot of people.  I do not know of any who do not believe in at least one of these events, they may exist but the number will be few.  Most people believe in two of three as happening.  So if a person believes in the first two what makes not believe in the third?

Does blood letting cure headaches?

Is the world flat?

Is the world ending in Dec 2012?

The first two plus many more were held as truth for generations even centuries and proven to be false for many if not most people.  I do not know how many people actually believe that 2012 is the end of the world but it has happen before.  Nineteen Seventy-Five was believed to be the end of the world for a group but it never happened.

So what does all this prove, if anything?  Not much just that anyone has the truth.  This is just not about religion; it is sciences and society as well.  Today’s truth is tomorrow lie?

Islam, Jew, Christian, Buddhist, and so on and so on need to understand that while we can strive after truth we can never acquire it.  Truth is only so for a moment; and we are lucky if we get to glimpse it along its path.

See you in 2013.